Please do not look at these horrifying Crusader Kings 3 characters

(Image credit: Paradox Interactive)

You know what happens when you give a Crusader Kings 3 character every disease and negative physical trait? You get a horrifying nightmare that you'll never be able to get out of your head.

Over on the Crusader Kings subreddit, i_hate_usernames posted a screenshot of their ruler, King Svend II of Denmark, whose face unfortunately makes roadkill look appealing. They used the console menu to heap diseases and undesirable traits onto the poor king, who no doubt expired moments later.

I used the console to add every disease and ugly traits to my character. Here is what he looks like (NSFL) from r/CrusaderKings

Inspired, I decided to torment some of my own characters to see what hideous ghouls I could conjure up. Instead of console commands, I used Daddy Pika's Cheat Menu to add all the traits and diseases, and then dressed them up and posed them using Fullscreen Barbershop. They're two of the best Crusader Kings 3 mods so far, and you can find more in our list.

First off, I dressed up a Holy Roman Emperor as a Knight Hospitaller and then gave him every illness, every injury (apart from ones that make him cover up his gorgeous face with bandages or masks) and topped it off with the ugly trait. I think we can all agree that despite everything else, he's kept his lovely smile.

Next we've got the Queen of Makuria, who has even more negative traits, including scales. Unfortunately, all the scars and boils and rotting skin hide some of those wee extra flourishes.

I was slightly more restrained for this one, yet it might be the most upsetting of the lot. This definitely won't be the last village this little girl burns down. Even without a single negative trait, CK3's kids all look like they've come straight from Hell to eat our souls.

If I was betting on someone being the leader of a zombie invasion, it would be this Seljuk Sultan, who manages to look like he could command respect even with his face falling off.

Not surprisingly, all of these characters quickly died once I unpaused the game. Thankfully, there are ways around that, including selecting the immortality trait in the cheat menu. Yes, you can let your ruler live for hundreds of years in perpetual agony.

CK3 console commands: All the cheats you need
CK3 mods: From tweaks to total conversions

Fraser is the UK online editor and has actually met The Internet in person. With over a decade of experience, he's been around the block a few times, serving as a freelancer, news editor and prolific reviewer. Strategy games have been a 30-year-long obsession, from tiny RTSs to sprawling political sims, and he never turns down the chance to rave about Total War or Crusader Kings. He's also been known to set up shop in the latest MMO and likes to wind down with an endlessly deep, systemic RPG. These days, when he's not editing, he can usually be found writing features that are 1,000 words too long or talking about his dog.